I Refuse To Weigh Myself Today

I'm having my biweekly battle with myself.
Every time I eat something I know I shouldn't (cheeseburger, triple grande Mocha, no whip, xtra foam , add splenda, an ice cream cone) I wage war against myself. My GOOD self (the crazy anorexic) berates my BAD self (the mother of two spin instructor who eats pretty well most of the time but for two days in a row ate really badly). I begin questioning those closest to me, "Do you think I look, you know, a little "fleshy" today?" Usually it's my BFF Staci who always answers the same, "Ok Tanya, good job steering the topic of convo back to you.....NO you don't look fat. You look fit and healthy".
Ughhhhhh.......That's when I go home, pull out the scale and step on. My heart is literally pounding in those seconds it takes for the numbers to flash. So much is on the line, my entire day and/or night will be affected by these three numbers. I almost have a slight panic attack during this brief moment.
Then, I hear the beep....I look down....and one of two things happen: (1) The numbers are good - no weight gained, I am still a good person with some self control. Good job, I'm ok. or (2) The numbers are bad - higher than last time - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?? (Says my 'good self' to my 'bad self').
So, for the first time, I declare to both 'selves' I REFUSE TO WEIGH MYSELF TODAY!!!
Why?
#1 Because I'm not normal. I'm a little neurotic actually. I'm not apologizing for it because it's part of what makes me tick, but as far as body image goes - a little neurosis goes a long, long, looonnnggg way.
#2 Because I've been to the other side. The "A" side. Not eating became such a badge of honor. Every bite I didn't take was more power. Every time my stomach growled I was so proud of myself for being strong and having such awesome willpower. Here's a hint - never tell an anorexic that "she looks too thin". That is a gold star on her chart. There's no such thing as too thin. Thin, skinny, waif, bony - these adjectives are all taken as the ultimate in compliments.
#3 Because surely there are more important things I could be using all this energy on. Yes - I'm pretty sure the sun will still rise in the morning regardless of how my numbers read.
#4 Because I know in my head that muscle weighs more than fat. And excuse me for saying so, but you could bounce a quarter off of my thigh. My muscle mass is pretty awesome compared to where I was 7 months ago (you know, back when I was skinny).
#5 Because someone precious to me once told me to "Get your head out of your (blank)" so that's what I'm gonna do.
SO TAKE THAT YOU EVIL SCALE!!!!!!!